Advice wanted on my pregnancy?

hi, ive dun a dig test, it says 3+ weeks, so need scan to see how far i am. my concerns are i was fostered under full care order when i was 3 till 21, my on off x of 4 years doesnt want me to keep baby, i feel confused and alone on what to do.. i kniow he doesnt want it, but im not sure i can abort when i know there is so many women whod die for a baby that cant have one. im scared of doin it on my own, i have no family or support around me. i love my x but am startin to feel bitter as he lies all time, about stpid things and chattin up other birds. also i dont want to have a child then not cope and it be taken of me. its a bigg fear of mine. id never want a child to go through what i did as a child, naturally id never let anyone abuse my child, but its the whole copin thing. i get depressed and i would really like some honest advice from ppl however harsh or nice please . x